My Decision to Stay

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I had made plans. I started getting rid of my furniture and buying big coats. I decided to take the biggest step of my life and move across the country to Washington, D.C. I had secured a job and told all my family and friends that I was leaving. Farewell parties were in the works and I was ready to go. One late night, durning the rain, I received a phone call from my mama. Tears in her voice. Pain in her heart. She asked me not to leave. The only thing I could hear is worry.

I have been living with chronic illness for my entire adult life. And it hasn’t alway been easy, to say the least. Medications every 4 hours, hospital stays for weeks on end, doctor visits and pharmacy frustrations like you wouldn’t believe. As hard as it was for me to deal with, it was even harder for my mama to burden. So moving across the country was a bit overwhelming. When she asked me to stay, I was mad, disappointed. I couldn’t understand how she could ask me to give up my dream. My dream to move. She didn’t want me to get terribly sick in an unknown city so far away from Arizona. Being in the hospital is hard enough. Being in the hospital without your family or friends there for support, can be unbearable. And mama’s fear was that I wouldn’t be able to handle it. Or she couldn’t either.

 

Less than two weeks later. I ended up at the emergency room and admitted into the ICU for just over a week and half. Sometimes signs come in forms that you can’t understand but you know are there to protect you. It’s a scary feeling know how vulnerable your body is. Being happy with where you are is just as important as chasing dreams. I found myself in a place where my happiness is my priority. I’m enjoying life one day at a time. I am grateful for everything. Continuing my travel journeys, once place at a time, is all I am focusing on now.

 

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